Homework Problems

Question:

I have a 6 year old soon to be 7 year old grandson living with me now. He is in first grade and has ADHD.He has a difficult time reading and spelling. He does great in math. He does his math homework fine, but his spelling and reading he whines and cries. I have a very hard time getting him to do it. He can remember the exit # to get off the highway, but can't remember how to spell a word he knew the night before. Any suggestions?

Martha

Answer:

Martha,

My name is Jody McVittie/> and I’m part of the team that answers/> questions for the PD website. I’m also a parent of 3 teens and a family physician.  Your grandson clearly has some strengths working with numbers and is not as comfortable with skills that involve more verbal processing.  The human brain is very complex and each human being is unique.  They have unique anatomy and they make unique decisions about how they interact with the world.

Many kids get labeled as having “ADHD” when they are having trouble focusing their attention, others “look” unfocused because they actually are discouraged because they are struggling with information processing. Still others have lived in chaotic households and are less skilled at self regulation and self calming. (And there are many other reasons for the label as well.)  Regardless of why children are struggling with learning or working successfully in groups several tools can help.

1.  Focus on strengths. You are doing a good job on recognizing some of his strengths. Math and numbers are easy for him. What else helps him learn?  Can he learn his spelling better if he “feels it” (as in drawing in a tray of sand or rice)?  What if he sings it (and learns his spelling to music he knows or makes up)? Some kids learn more visually, some more musically, some kinesthetically. Pay close attention to what is happening around his learning so that you can discover more of his strengths.

2.  Be aware of differences in development. In all of this, do remember that he isn’t even seven yet. Given that he is living with you, I suspect that his life has not been entirely smooth sailing to this point.  Some kids develop their ability to read later than others. It may be that that part of his brain isn’t quite ready yet.  The best thing to do is to recognize that it is hard for him still, and share your faith that when his brain is ready it will get easier. In the mean time read to him and with him. Play fun word games (like rhyming, reading bill boards, reading labels in the grocery store, sending him short little “notes” with simple words and drawings). Focus on things that interest him.

3.  Learn more about the specific challenge. His whining probably reflects his discouragement about the work being hard for him.  (Remember “hard” is his perception. Given his ease with numbers he may have set some pretty high standards for himself and get discouraged easily when all learning is not as easy as math.)  One thing you can do (if you are still concerned) is to get specific. Don’t make assumptions around his challenges.  Is it remembering verbal sequences that is a problem? Is it a problem processing visual sequences (necessary for reading)? Is it a problem connecting the visual and auditory?  There are many, many specific small challenges that can create problems for kids learning to read and spell.  If you are stumped by what specifically is challenging him, don’t be afraid to ask for professional help. It is often a huge relief to kids to learn that they aren’t just “incapable” of reading and writing, that there is small piece that their brain has to work hard on… AND that they can use their strengths to work around the challenges.

4.  Get creative. I get a little worried when parents and grandparents feel like they “have to” “make” their 6 and 7 year olds do homework.  Homework (if ANY) at that age should be small, doable fun tasks.  If parents or grandparents are needed at all, it should be around activities that are opportunities for connection, not coercion.  I know that is a system problem and not your responsibility. You might, however, emphasize doing things in fun ways and get his teacher to buy off on that. Work with him to be creative and have fun.  (For example it might be much more fun to practice spelling in shaving cream on the wall above the bathtub or on the kitchen counter than it is to do with pencil and paper and either should be sufficient.) One of my daughter’s teachers gave the kids 6 or 7 choices of fun ways to play with words. Their job was to pick ONE of them as “homework.”

Best wishes to you and your grandson who is fortunate to have such a caring grandparent.

Jody McVittie/>

Response to first answer:

Dear Jody:

 Thank you so much for your quick response before school starts back up after Christmas break.

     You gave me a great ideal with the shaving cream, I will try that before we have to do the paper and pencil stuff. You see if the homework is not done he will lose field Trips and get detentions. He has to do a list of 15 sight words, read for at least 5 min., study 10 spelling words a night and 2 sentences, Math flash cards, and whatever papers she sends home. Quite a bit for a first grader. He learns a lot better for them than me. We have to squeeze it all in with dinner, Boy Scouts, bath and bed time (no time to relax). If you know of any more fun ways please let me know, he will be learning yet we will be having fun.

     The ADHD part: he is very, very active. He goes from one thing to another in a matter of minutes. Nothing interests him much to keep him busy for any length of time. He needs someone with him to do things at all times, he don't like doing things alone. He talks constantly. (He reminds us of donkey on Sheik.) He is on Ritilin now which has helped him a great deal. He loves to paint so he has an easel and he will now spend 20 to 30 minutes painting by him self. My next question is how do I help him learn self calming, and self regulation? He has lived with us the majority of his life.  When he was born he and his mother lived with us until she turned 18. We have then had him back here with us 16 times in 4 years. His mother had him for an only 1 year straight. He knows this is his home. We love having him here with us.

     Thank You for the information on the brain and learning ability. I will not worry so much about grades. I will just keep helping until he is able to do it. I have been so worried about the reading. Everyone needs that skill to survive. However, he has plenty of time to learn he will be 7 in Jan.

Sincerely, Martha

Extended answer:

Dear Martha,

    I so wish that more families could recognize, as you do, that there is "plenty of time to learn."  That doesn't mean that we need to ignore learning, but that what we are looking for is progress, not perfection.  For example, educators know that it is really important for children to have good reading fluency by the end of 3rd grade so that they can do well later, BUT kids have 3 years to develop that fluency.  "Forcing" them to read or write and punishing them when they don't perform is not an "educational method" based on any kind of real science.  This much WORK for a 6 year old seems a tad counter productive. 

    Having fun, engaging AND learning at the same time will be more effective. I think your instincts are great. He does need time to play, time to relax! Since you asked, here are some other word based games/tools for home:

Magnetic letters on the fridge.  Use them for spelling, for writing short love notes to him, for word puzzles (eg, which word is mis spelled), for anagrams (putting out the letters out of order and having him rearrange them into words.

Alphabet noodles. Glue them on paper for short notes, for playing with spelling (use them dry)

Post it notes. Use them to write short notes for his lunch box, for his breakfast napkin.  Sometimes just a small drawing is fun too.  Give him a pad to write notes to you. (Don't be critical of spelling on his notes...just the process of expression is important)

Writing in food. A lasagne pan with a thin layer of rice to practice "writing" in. You can re use the rice. After it is cooked, no one will know the difference, and any germs will be gone.

A scrabble game. He is too young to play scrabble, but the wooden pieces with letters on them feel very nice to the touch. They can be used to practice spelling.

Dry erase boards. Many stores sell small dry erase boards. They are good for messages to each other and kind of fun for practicing letters/spelling.

Sidewalk chalk. (If you live in an area where it is still nice outside.)  You can go spell BIG...when you write on the driveway or sidewalk.  Some times kids like doing things in a big way.  You can do the same thing with a paint brush and a bucket of water. You can spell with water "paint" on the sidewalk.

Dictionaries can be fun.  Practice looking up spelling words is hard work...but can be rewarding.

Body spelling.  He could spell by "drawing" the letter with a finger on your back (and then you can say the letter that he wrote, to check it).  (This one isn't so easy but it can be lots of fun.  He has to draw the letter quite big for you to be able to tell what it is. When he is all done, you can guess the word.)

Magic pads. At some dollar stores you can still buy those pads that you write on with a stick and you can see the marks, then you lift the plastic, and everything erases. I have no idea what they are called.

Finger paint (which you can make with liquid starch and powdered tempera) is fun.  Just wear a smock and make sure he helps in clean up.

Invisible ink.  This might be fun for some kids. Too hard for others.  You can take an old fashioned pen (the kind you dip in ink) and write with lemon juice. Then if you iron it, the writing becomes visible.

Painting. Since he likes painting on an easel, it might be a fun way to practice. (On the other hand, it might be one way he is learning to self soothe.)

CHOICE is important.  The variety will help. See if his teacher might be willing to have him practice his spelling two different ways of his choice.... And he can write a note telling her how he did it.  He might have other creative ideas too. 

The question about "self soothing" is a great one. Some kids come from the womb able to self soothe...and others really have to work at it. Here are some things that you can do:

1. Do your very best to find that calm spot inside you when you are with him. Especially when he is on the edge of "losing" it.  Take a deep breath. Stay focused in your body and don't let his energy "catch" you.

2. When you notice that you are starting to lose it, CALMLY say, "I'm noticing that I'm starting to get upset, so I'm going to go .....(sit down and read, go outside for a few moments, go to my room for a few moments, take a few deep breaths and then come back....or what ever will help you)"   And then do it and come back calmer.  He will learn that 1) calming is a skill, 2) if you can do it he can do it 3) some tools that might help.

3.  Learn to anticipate the signs of escalation.  Before he is over the top, (at that point not much will help), invite him to do something that you think might be calming for him. (Will you come and snuggle and read with me? Would you like to paint for a bit to calm down and then come back to this? Would you like to go outside and stomp on the front porch a few times to get your "ya ya's" out and then come back in?  etc)

4. When he begins to be more successful gently let him know. For example at bedtime you might say, "Honey I noticed today that you started to get really upset (excited) and then you paused for a minute and calmed down and things went much better."  (You don't have to make a big deal about it, or reward it or anything like that. Simple heartfelt reflection is very effective.)

Best wishes!  Jody McVittie/>