Encouragement for Stephen

Teresa LaSala CPDA
Denville, NJ

One wintry February, a new seventh-grade student named Stephen arrived at a school where Positive Discipline in the Classroom had been adopted as a school-wide philosophy. It was apparent from the beginning, though, that Stephen was struggling both socially and academically. Several of the other students tried to welcome Stephen and help him feel comfortable, but his reactions caused everyone concern.
Stephen often annoyed his classmates. They were uncomfortable with the things he would say and weren’t sure how to respond. Stephen frequently fell asleep in class. He rarely did his homework. He would speak out at inappropriate times, saying things that weren't relevant to what was happening in the classroom. He regularly complained, "I can't do that", and "I don't understand." He often seemed to be in a world all his own. Stephen said he never did his homework because he had no place at home quiet enough to work. He rejected efforts to help solve his problems; even the offer of a small desk for his room and a trip to buy supplies was rejected. He resisted any attempts at friendship.

As time passed, the staff learned from Stephen that his home environment was far from stable. There was no father present in his life. Mom was single, frequently changing jobs, boyfriends and residences. Stephen had a difficult relationship with his 19-year-old sister, who due to mom’s erratic work and social schedule was, in many ways, his acting parent. Stephen was slightly overweight; most of his clothes were too small and out of style. Stephen didn’t look right; he didn’t act right. Stephen didn’t fit in, and he knew it.

The teachers and staff gave Stephen a great deal of extra help and support. They tried various methods to reach him, hoping they could get him to do his work. The special education teacher began to work with him directly, and to coach the staff.
At this school, the staff held a Positive Discipline meeting every three weeks. Several weeks passed before Stephen’s name came up as part of the Teachers Helping Teachers Problem Solving Steps. After hearing about Stephen, the staff reviewed the Mistaken Goals chart. It was painfully clear that Stpehen was living the goal of "assumed Inadequacy." The belief behind his behavior was I don't believe I can belong, so I'll convince others not to expect anything of me. I am helpless and unable; it's no use trying because I won't ever do it right."

The staff discussed what they believed Stephen needed and what they believed he was really saying with his behavior, which was "Don't give up on me!" Everyone agreed that his academics and homework were not important when he was so thoroughly discouraged about himself, his world, and whether or not he belonged. Together, the staff brainstormed a plan that everyone agreed to try, including the principal, teachers, kitchen staff, office secretary, and after-care workers. The plan was as follows:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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1. From the moment Stephen exited the bus in the morning until the time he got back on the bus in the afternoon, he would receive encouragement. (Encouragement is a key principle of Positive Discipline, and comes from a French word meaning “to give heart to.”)

2. Everyone who encountered Stephen would acknowledge him and find something positive to say.

3. The staff would make an effort to learn his personal interests.

4. Arrangements were made for Stephen to stay after school until 6 in the after-care program two days a week, at no cost to his family. There he would have a quiet place to work and could receive help with his homework. He would also be invited to help younger students.

5. The special education teacher would talk with him privately and let him know the staff cared and would not give up on helping him.

The staff committed to follow this plan for one month, and to check in at the next Positive Discipline meeting. Less than two weeks later, the principal discovered that the staff couldn't wait for the next meeting to share their stories about Stephen. Together, they learned just how effective their encouragement plan had been.
The change in Stephen was remarkable. Not only was he staying awake in class, he was participating. He smiled. Homework was being turned in and he even asked for some extra-credit assignments. He dressed differently and took better care of himself. At lunch, he sat with his classmates. (He sat at the end of the table, but he was there.) In class, during the acknowledgment portion of class meetings, his classmates offered appreciation for his recent efforts and acts of kindness. They, too, had noticed the change in Stephen and were responding.
During a later scheduled staff meeting, Stephen's mother happened to call the principal. She had noticed the changes in her son and wanted to know if arrangements could be made for Stephen to attend the after-care program five days a week.
Stephen is now an eighth grade student. The reports on his progress continue to be positive. He is reaching out, shows responsibility in his work, and is engaging in the lunch activities with the other students. Soon Stephen will move on to another school, and on with his life. He will certainly experience setbacks and challenges. However, encouragement has changed forever the lives of Stephen and his teachers. Encouragement, feelings of value and significance, and belief in our own potential are essential in life. Never miss an opportunity to reach out and encourage someone!