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Gina,
My name is Jody McVittie and I am part of the team of associates that
answers questions for the Positive Discipline website. I also am a parent
of 3 teens and I work with schools supporting teachers with tools to use
“discipline that teaches” in classrooms. I apologize that this answer took
so long. We are all volunteers with pretty busy lives and sometimes it
takes a bit of time until one of us can get to the question.
You have great instincts and you clearly care about your students. You can
see and feel some things that are working in the classroom and can
recognize things that aren’t. You seem to understand that it is
cooperation, not coercion or manipulation that you are looking for, but
are missing some of the tools and techniques to get there. The books will
be helpful, and the workshops even more helpful, but here are some ideas
to get you going in the mean time. At the end of my response I also
attached a story from a teacher who took one of the workshops. I have her
permission to share. So, here are some suggestions:
a) Take small steps and aim for progress not perfection. This is
especially true in a special education classroom. So for example, when a
child who has a pattern of not participating begins to participate that is
cause for noticing inside that you are making progress. Try not to
undermine yourself by noticing that he was still obnoxious. That is the
next step.
b) It is especially important in special ed classrooms to establish some
kind of rhythm, pattern or predictability. This is helpful for all kids,
but even more important when kids are working so hard because of a few
extra challenges. It does not mean that you need to be rigid… but rather
be clear ahead of time what happens when and keep it as consistent from
day to day as possible. Having a routine posted on the board in pictures
or words (depending on your student’s reading ability) is very helpful. It
is even fun to spend an hour making that chart together. Use a camera to
take pictures of what each task or “period” looks like. Post them in order
with times on a big poster. Some teachers keep a file of pictures and
times and use slots on a board so that the students can help “put the day
together” in the morning. They do this even if the day was the same as the
day before. This helps everyone bring their attention to the schedule.
When a child is off task, you can gently walk him or her to the board and
calmly ask them what is supposed to be happening at that time. It removes
you from a potential power struggle. You are letting routines be the boss.
If there is regularly scheduled time for students to do catch up or
independent work, you can think about what kind of pictures or words would
be helpful. Maybe the kids can help with this. Would it help a student to
have a picture of that student studying? And another picture of him or her
“playing?”…maybe on different color back grounds. Maybe gradually
(remember: small steps) kids could learn that they start with blue, THEN
go to green?
c) Teachers are often taught to use rewards and praise as “incentives” and
“re-enforcers” of behavior. I think you very astutely observed one of the
problems. Kids who are already discouraged get even more discouraged when
they are left out of the reward process. They are more likely to
internally beat themselves up instead of say “Gee, next time I’ll do
better.” (There is good evidence that rewards don’t really help the kids
who get them either.) Positive Discipline takes a different approach.
Because it is a big shift from what our culture holds as “normal” and what
schools of education teach, we know that getting there requires some
shifting of perspective. As you begin to look at this from a different
perspective, first just notice. Play with it. Don’t expect (or tell)
others to change too. If you are successful it is likely that they will
copy you. Here are a few things you can do to begin to play with this
different approach:
- First, think of a person who you know cares about you. (Don’t pick a
child…use a peer or adult). What is it that they do that communicates that
message of caring to you. You can make a list.
- Think. How can you use that information to communicate caring to your
students? You’ll notice that your list contained things like : she
listened, she knew what I liked, she shared a part of herself, she had
faith in me, she trusted me etc. How can you communicate your caring to
kids? It doesn’t take as much time as you think! In the workshop we often
have teachers share and make a big list of the things that they already
do. Things like: Saying hello to students using their name, at their eye
level in the morning; asking students what they think; sharing small
stories from the teachers own life; being honest about mistakes and being
willing to fix them; gentle touch; remembering things like the fact that
they had a soccer game yesterday or that they are staying at grandma’s
this week; writing small post it notes about things you have noticed and
quietly putting them on the student’s desk (eg. “I noticed you finished
your spelling! Hooray!”); etc.
- Helping students notice progress (in private). “Jeremy, I noticed that
you were able to go back and try again on that math problem, even though
it was hard. You weren’t able to do that last month.”
- Engaging all kids in classroom jobs. Even the kids who are struggling.
Being able to contribute to the class invites kids to feel capable. That
sense of being capable spreads to other areas. (Do make sure that you take
time for training… time to teach what needs to be done so that kids can
succeed in contributing).
d) Mistaken goals can also take a little getting used to. Remember, the
key is what you are feeling in response to the child’s behavior. This
might get clearer as you read more in the books but it can be a little
more challenging in special ed classrooms because there is generally a
higher level of discouragement. The children you describe though don’t fit
the mistaken goal of assumed inadequacy. So focus on the other three.
Notice your feelings, make a guess about the child’s belief (use the
mistaken goal chart) and then go to the far right column and look at some
ideas for solutions. If you get stuck with this, feel free to email me
back and I’d be glad to coach you a little bit. It can be very empowering
to get “fluent” at this; both for you and for the children because your
suggestions will match their needs for belonging and significance.
Keep playing with this. You caring and willingness to try something new is
a true gift to your students. My best to you!
Jody McVittie
Story from a teacher who discovered the power of involving students in
finding solutions instead of directing: (from a Montessori teacher)
“I could immediately see that some of the interactions I had with children
were not helpful to them, or empowering them at all. It made me cringe
inside. One day, a five-year-old boy again failed to follow through on the
expectation I had of him that he choose an activity to do each day that
was (somewhat) challenging to him. I invited him to sit down and have a
quick meeting with me. Instead of going into lecture mode as I was pulled
to do, I asked him what he thought we should do about it. He came up with
an idea, and even though it wasn’t a new one, we agreed to try it. Indeed,
he followed through with the work exactly in the way he’d proposed. In
fact, he did much more work than I’d have expected as a minimum. In the
next two days, he also finished learning all his sounds, a project he’d
avoided. He charged ahead at top speed. I’m sure this method released more
initiative than the old way!! (Later) For the next few months this boy
absolutely burned through the reading materials”
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